Top 10 Reasons to Vote Conservative

I’ll admit it, I’m a pretty staunch critic of the reigning Conservative Party of Canada and the Prime Minister, Stephen Harper.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some pretty compelling reasons to vote for them. And given that they’re recently down significantly in the polls, they could use the shot in the arm. So without further ado, the Top 10 reasons why you might want to vote Conservative on October 19th.

10. You like your  government “edgy”.

As in, always on the edge (and sometimes over the damn edge) of legal. You like it when your MP gets fined $14,000 for robo-calls. Means they’re walking that fine line of grey, and don’t let ethics get in the way of winning.

9. You hate water. And fish.

More specifically, you hate freshwater and the idea of protecting it. Which is why you applauded when the Conservatives gutted the Fisheries Act. Fish. Who needs em?

8. Speaking of water…

You applaud the fact the the Conservatives tried to shut down the Experimental Lakes Area. Because you would have preferred that acid rain go on, unfettered by scientists tracing it back to chemicals in our factory smokestacks.

7. You like your government to be tough on crime.

Even if, statistically, there’s less crime to go around these days. Still though, bring on the mandatory minimum sentences…because you don’t govern on statistics. Obviously.

6. Lies, damned lies. And statistics.

Information. Such a pain in the ass, right? Which is why, for you, getting rid of the long form census was the right move. Because who wants their decision makers to have the best information possible when faced with actually making decisions?

5. And it’s not just gathering information that you hate…

It’s keeping it around. So dismantling some of the best scientific libraries in the world, built by taxpayer funded researchers over decades, seems like a good call. Keep shredding those reports!

4. Caring about the environment and animals is, well, a little extreme.

So it’s a good thing that a lot of those groups made their way onto the extremist threat list. Because protesting is an awful lot like free speech, which…hang on…no, we like free speech. Except when we disagree with what’s being said.

3. And caring about people is over-rated.

Which is why it was no big deal for you when the United Nations called us out for ignoring hunger within our own borders. It’s not like we’ve spent most of our history priding ourselves on being world leaders with humanitarian and peacekeeping endeavours.

2. But that’s what food banks are for, right?

You’re not too concerned about those hungry people, after all, that’s why we have food banks (which have seen incredible growth in usage lately) and other charitable organizations, right? And speaking of charities, we should really be auditing them a little more intensely…

1. And the number one reason to vote Conservative this year?

Because pulling your head out from the sand and realizing how far the Conservatives have fallen off of the moral high-ground they supposedly occupied (into something a lot more like a dingy basement apartment with bad lighting and a funny smell) might be just a bit too painful.

There you have it, my Top 10 List of Reasons to Vote Conservative this October. But just in case you were leaning in the direction of voting for anyone but the Conservatives, I’ll include my #1 Reason to do just that.

1. They’re not the Conservatives*.

*And if you’re reading this in the fine riding of Banff-Airdrie, I strongly urge you to check out Marlo Raynolds (Liberal candidate), who would make the finest MP this riding could hope for. And has never been fined 14K for robo-calling, just to keep the record straight.

 

2 comments

  1. 10. NDP and Liberals were fined too. I know I know, it was hard to see.

    9. “While acknowledging that Liberal governments also contributed to the problem”. Conservatives were not alone!

    8. Technically they are handing them to Universities which the government technically funds their research. There’s some savings here by the government that could help keep the “nasty” UN happy with their claims about Canada’s poor and hungry.

    7. Is this not a good thing? They are being tough on crime, when was this a bad thing? Granted people feel safe (anecdotal) it seems poignant to be tough on crime. Aren’t people always complaining the government isn’t tough enough on crime? They can’t win.

    6. It’s a balance between intrusion and valuable statistics. There’s enough private “for sale” data to close this gap in data. I’ll take tax savings – could pay for many environmental projects!

    5. He said. She said. The intent is to capture this digitally for long term preservation. If documents were tossed I agree that’s awful.

    4. Federal property is treated a little differently than tying yourself to a tree, Greenpeace. Try doing that to the Whitehouse and see how far you get! I also consider any one group tampering with pipelines a huge risk to my security and a threat. “They cite an effort by Greenpeace Canada to block the gate at Ontario’s Pickering nuclear power plant, and its trespassing at the Muskeg River bitumen mine owned by Royal Dutch Shell to protest oil sands development”. Do that in Russia and see how far you get? Protesting is fine. Trespassing and tampering with oil and gas sites is dangerous and a huge risk to citizens.

    3. Imagine the headline, “Canada diverts foreign aid back home to feed their own”. I think it probably makes sense but if you don’t want to decrease foreign aid (or divert spending from elsewhere) then the government has to generate more revenue (tax increases, levy’s, decrease research footprint by digitizing printed records, reduce the long form census…they can get creative)

    2. Don’t get me started. For sure there are families in need. There’s also a socio economic question here – where does food rank amongst all the wants in society? Many folks put wants before needs (did you see the Apple iPad Pro was released today, pretty cool). If the unemployment rate rises those that donated once before aren’t in a position to do so now. Let’s hope no pipelines are damaged or work diverted elsewhere due to protestors.

    1. What are the options? I don’t know myself but there’s no “one party solution” in my opinion. My whole rant is to highlight that no one party is ever safe from the media and bloggers. Granted they need to be held accountable but we need to truly determine malicious intent by these parties versus media spin.

    My two cents….written on an iPhone late at night.

    1. Thanks for the comment Adrian! Each of these topics could easily be their own blog posts (or series!). Certainly they are all nuanced issues. I will respond most directly to the tough on crime issue. There is zero statistical evidence available that suggests longer and harsher prison sentences, 3-strikes rules, etc. contribute to lowering crime rates. Period. In fact, Texas (of all places) is backing off their “tough on crime” policies after decades (and billions) spent. http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/texas-conservatives-reject-harper-s-crime-plan-1.1021017.

      And I think the Conservatives would actually be safer from the media and bloggers if they were more transparent. When you stuff a bunch of major changes into omnibus bills, stop publishing detailed budgets (circa 2012) and muzzle the science community…one might consider a media backlash as pretty reasonable.

      And the socio-economic question is interesting. What is the government’s role in alleviated poverty? That’s an interpretation that we all get to make for ourselves, but collectively it determines the nature and direction of social supports like EI, health care, etc…and it’s a heckuva lot more complex than iPad’s vs. groceries for a lot of Canadians.

      Anyway, I won’t write another full blog post in the comment section! Thanks for popping by, and I do appreciate your perspective on these things.

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