Top 10 Reasons to Vote Conservative

I’ll admit it, I’m a pretty staunch critic of the reigning Conservative Party of Canada and the Prime Minister, Stephen Harper.

But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some pretty compelling reasons to vote for them. And given that they’re recently down significantly in the polls, they could use the shot in the arm. So without further ado, the Top 10 reasons why you might want to vote Conservative on October 19th.

10. You like your  government “edgy”.

As in, always on the edge (and sometimes over the damn edge) of legal. You like it when your MP gets fined $14,000 for robo-calls. Means they’re walking that fine line of grey, and don’t let ethics get in the way of winning.

9. You hate water. And fish.

More specifically, you hate freshwater and the idea of protecting it. Which is why you applauded when the Conservatives gutted the Fisheries Act. Fish. Who needs em?

8. Speaking of water…

You applaud the fact the the Conservatives tried to shut down the Experimental Lakes Area. Because you would have preferred that acid rain go on, unfettered by scientists tracing it back to chemicals in our factory smokestacks.

7. You like your government to be tough on crime.

Even if, statistically, there’s less crime to go around these days. Still though, bring on the mandatory minimum sentences…because you don’t govern on statistics. Obviously.

6. Lies, damned lies. And statistics.

Information. Such a pain in the ass, right? Which is why, for you, getting rid of the long form census was the right move. Because who wants their decision makers to have the best information possible when faced with actually making decisions?

5. And it’s not just gathering information that you hate…

It’s keeping it around. So dismantling some of the best scientific libraries in the world, built by taxpayer funded researchers over decades, seems like a good call. Keep shredding those reports!

4. Caring about the environment and animals is, well, a little extreme.

So it’s a good thing that a lot of those groups made their way onto the extremist threat list. Because protesting is an awful lot like free speech, which…hang on…no, we like free speech. Except when we disagree with what’s being said.

3. And caring about people is over-rated.

Which is why it was no big deal for you when the United Nations called us out for ignoring hunger within our own borders. It’s not like we’ve spent most of our history priding ourselves on being world leaders with humanitarian and peacekeeping endeavours.

2. But that’s what food banks are for, right?

You’re not too concerned about those hungry people, after all, that’s why we have food banks (which have seen incredible growth in usage lately) and other charitable organizations, right? And speaking of charities, we should really be auditing them a little more intensely…

1. And the number one reason to vote Conservative this year?

Because pulling your head out from the sand and realizing how far the Conservatives have fallen off of the moral high-ground they supposedly occupied (into something a lot more like a dingy basement apartment with bad lighting and a funny smell) might be just a bit too painful.

There you have it, my Top 10 List of Reasons to Vote Conservative this October. But just in case you were leaning in the direction of voting for anyone but the Conservatives, I’ll include my #1 Reason to do just that.

1. They’re not the Conservatives*.

*And if you’re reading this in the fine riding of Banff-Airdrie, I strongly urge you to check out Marlo Raynolds (Liberal candidate), who would make the finest MP this riding could hope for. And has never been fined 14K for robo-calling, just to keep the record straight.


Dear Albertans; an Open Letter to Everyone

Dear Albertans,

A few weeks ago I wrote an open letter to Jim Prentice. It generated a lot of conversation, both from people agreeing with my sentiments and others who hold the opposite view. That’s exactly what it was supposed to do.

The more I thought about the letter and the response to it, the more I realized that we needed to be sparking a different conversation. Not a conversation about Jim Prentice and what he should or shouldn’t do. He is, after all, one man (albeit a powerful one) at the pointy end of the stick. Easy to blame the stick when it whacks the wrong thing, harder to have a conversation with the hand that’s wielding the stick.

And fellow Albertans…we need to have that conversation. We need to ask ourselves if we’re truly pointing that stick in the right direction, and, more importantly, if we even have our hands on it any more. I suggest that we don’t, because if we did we wouldn’t have seen half of the scandals, financial abuses and bad policy decisions that have plagued this province in the past few years and seem to be continuing.

So, in the spirit of the previous letter, here are my Top 5 pieces of advice for Albertans to help get us back on track.

1. You know when you’re driving and you go to merge or change lanes, and someone slows down to let you in? Give them a damn wave. Not only is it courteous, it’s an acknowledgement that there’s someone else on the road. And that someone did something nice for you. They weren’t so absorbed in their own self-importance that they couldn’t see your need to safely continue on your journey, and give their brakes a tap.

2. Speaking of acknowledging other people on the road…we need to talk about taxes. I know, that’s pretty much a 4-letter word in this province. The thing is, we’ve somehow gotten it stuck in our heads that the lower our taxes go, the better off we’ll all be. And although that’s probably true for higher income earners (who worry less about the costs of things like increasing school fees, expensive childcare, post-secondary tuition), Alberta’s 10% flat tax is actually making the poor and working class worse off. There are incredibly reasonable alternatives that would retain Alberta’s relatively low tax environment while providing stable revenues for things like education and healthcare. And yes, our spending can probably be better managed, and we can and should find efficiencies wherever possible. But 40 kids being taught in the gymnasium is not the kind of efficiencies we should be going for.

3. We’ve got a gambling problem. Let’s imagine for a while that Joe Albertan is looking to settle down, buy a house and raise some kids. He’s got a decent salary, but also has a bit of blackjack habit and stops in at the local casino regularly. He’s been on a winning streak for awhile, and starts to think that this winning streak is a permanent fixture in his financial picture. So he buys the biggest house he can, complete with a big truck, a boat, a pair of quads and an RV. Life is good. Of course, as all gambling streaks go, his starts to come to an end. And he’s not even losing money at this point, just not winning any more. Just breaking even. He can’t keep up with the bills, so he has to start making some tough choices. He doesn’t build any new schools. He blows up a hospital. He stops cutting the grass and fixing the little things around the house as they wear out and break down. This goes on for awhile until he starts to win again. Then, instead of fixing things up, he goes on a holiday. He gives all of his friends and relatives 400$ worth of “JoeBucks”. He starts to build a Sky Palace.

I think all of us can agree that Joe has a full-blown financial management problem on his hands, rooted in an over-reliance on speculative income (blackjack) and a penchant for extravagant spending. Sounds strangely familiar…

4. That PC super-majority? In the last provincial election we turned out 57% of eligible voters. The PC’s captured 44% of the popular vote, which is only 28.4% of eligible voters. Which means that Albertan’s either didn’t vote for the PC’s, or voted against them, by an almost 3-1 margin. Let’s talk about the 860,000 of us that didn’t bother to take a few minutes out of our lives to acknowledge that we live in a free and democratic society, and the price we pay for that is a few minutes of our time and some thought about the future, once every couple of years. Maybe it wouldn’t have changed the results. But one day it might.

5.  Politics and taxes aside, if you really want to make a difference in your own life and the lives of people around you, then just start. Do something. Volunteer for a local non-profit. Take your beer money and donate it to a worthwhile cause this month. Join a board of directors. Clean up a stream. Say hi to your neighbour and shovel their walk. Share and comment on this blog post.

And when people slow down to let you in, give them a wave.